WHO'S THE TOP BITCH?

I made this character in free-dee. I am 'Ta Best' at everything.
See? SEE?! NUDITY!!!

Flick those beans bay-bee~~~~~~~~~~~~>










Background image taken from here - I used the preview version that came up with Google images. My Foe-Toe-Shop skills are obviously above par.

POE-PEE THE DOODLE MAN

Not one for the elaborate phone doodle - if you do see these, 'more than squiggles' drawings, and it was you on the other end of the phone conversation, then that person is trying to tell you that you are boring.

So thank goodness for customer 'service' who are willing to put you on hold long enough to complete an opus animation. Animated twenty-four frames a second. idiots

Here's the process behind the thinking, for those who want to follow along and create their own masterpieces!

It starts with some random double-helix scribbles - classic phone sketch fodder. Then, artfully transformed into some sort of bacteriophage. Mmm, nice! Then, a glove puppet enters, stage right - HUZZAH! Now, a puppet with no master is one for suspicion. What devilry controls this hand-less abomination?! Thus an arm was drawn out into a body. And the logical conclusion resulted in a Poe-pee sporting a berét.

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YOUR PRESENT!

I know that, for reasons unbeknownst to rational folk, people who consider themselves to be 'cartoonists' vehemently despise 3d software and imagery [in fact, ANY software, if recent statements that Adobe Flash has somehow got some malicious code built into it by jealous programmers which cause any and all animation created with it to be 'shittified'©, are to be believed], so it's with some trepidation that I lay this gift onto your supple lap. It's name is Makehuman. It's free. The gist is, you use it to pose your figure to help you as reference for drawing [at least that's the use I came up for it]. You can shape the model with real world attributes such as age, sex height weight, and\or go in more detailed and adjust each appendage at will. I've only messed about with it for short bursts, but then I tried to come up with something as a test of the practicalities of use. Not bad result considering I went in with only the thought of making a Spiderman pose [I didn't even have a specific idea of a web-slinger pose, just went with some typical Spidey things, like the fingers, as I went along]. I need to do more testing, as this took a long time to pose, but I've tried 'Poser' previously and had serious trouble with actually posing figures in a way I wanted. Plus this one doesn't have the full feature set yet, so some of the adjusters are blank. I, for example, couldn't get the curve on the back that I wanted, nor the exact positioning of the head.  But I see the potential as a virtual mannequin, and so will the more adventurous of you. whores

IT GETS COLD

Sometimes it's difficult to look on the bright side.

BOTTLED TAN

Some people take it too far.

SOMETHING FOR THE LADIES

Couldn't neglect all you horny females who clamour to this site for some mental massage. This was another thing from a few months ago that I decided to 'complete'. A lot of it is rushed, as you can tell.

DEFINITIVE GUIDE TO BEING AN ANIMATOR!

Ever had the need to fake being an animator convincingly, so as to impress a lady you had just met at a party? Not had the time to learn how to animate? Never fear, crsP is here to turn you into a genuine bona-fide animator, in less than one day! Shall we begin? Let's!

There are two things that make an animator. Let us investigate. If you look around, you will find many drawings made by animators, which are curiously drawn in blue. Animator types will have you believe that the reason for this would be that the blue colour was not visible during the copying procedure so clean up could be done directly over the rough blue pencils. But the truth is that in the days of Renaissance painting, the most opulent colour to use was blue, as the pigment used to mix the paint for that colour was more difficult to get and thus more expensive. Animators like to use the tradition of the regal blue as a warning signal to artists of other media of their superior might. Note that they present most of their blue 'animated drawings' on normal paper with no peg holes. So firstly you will need a blue pencil.

The other thing that defines an animator is Life Drawing. The animator, typically sexually deprived, will take as much opportunity to gaze upon naked flesh as they can get. To avoid the chances of being put in prison for their obvious deviant behaviour, the animator will make drawings of the naked and call them 'studies', which could later be used in court as evidence in their case. Note that there are more cartoons about animals than there are of women with unshaven areas.
So the solution is simple. You just need to make a drawing of a nude, in blue pencil and leave it lying about casually where you live.

As you can see, you don't even need to have drawn from life, as in the above picture which I produced some months ago. Obviously the proportions and pose are a bit off [understatement] in this drawing. But it's just enough to fool the casual observer.

SUNSET BEACH

Nude beaches. That turn you on? You WHORE!!!
Click to get a real good look, you pervo.